“I’m Gold. I’m Gold. But They Prefer Silver, And That’s Okay.”

There are lots of people out there who can relate to what this coffee break is about, and I’m 100% one of them. I’ve been this way since I was a teeny little girl. I have to make sure that everybody likes me. Not to be conceited, but being well-liked is something I’ve had going for me in most of my social encounters. (If that sounds conceited to you, I’d like for you to pause, invest in a Webster dictionary and look up the word “confidence”, and come back to this post once you’ve got it.)

We all like being accepted. We all love it when crowds laugh at our jokes, when people actually want to come up and say hi when they see you out at the grocery, when people say good things about us behind our backs. For those of us who thrive off of the approval of others, these things are what give us fuel, in pretty much everything we do. There’s nothing better than, say, starting a new job and overhearing the huddled group of employees in the office talking about how much they love the new girl. How cute her outfits are, how pretty her hair is, how polite and professional she is. Then, there’s that one person, who, when they walk in the door, doesn’t return the huge, flashy smile that you toss in their direction. They don’t laugh at your quirks, they seem uninterested in the things that others gush over about you. No matter how many people praise you for being so good at this, amazing at that, the one person or the small group who don’t, they get in your head and it bothers you to the very core of your soul. All the way through your bones.

Maybe we’re all like that to an extent, but I know of some who aren’t. They’re calm, cool and collected and don’t give a flying fadoodle about who likes them. They like me? That’s nice. They don’t? Fine, whatevs.

Whether or not someone approved of the way I am, my beliefs, my looks, my attitude, my quirks, my taste, etc. used to affect me so terribly, to the point that it would almost make me shake in my school desk as I’d be trying to kick those thoughts away and focus on a quiz set before me. They say that sticks and stones might break your bones, but words can never hurt you. We’ve all heard it. Some of us believe it, some of us know it’s bologna. Words can and they do hurt. And sometimes it’s not even the words that hurt. It may be somebody intentionally leaving you out of something, somebody playing a mind game with you, somebody being passive-aggressive towards you but loving and kind to everyone else around you. No words need to be said. Body language and intentions hurt, too. It doesn’t have to be peers alone, often times it can happen within a friend group or even in family.

From the pain I’ve faced in the past with overwhelming anxiety from knowing somebody doesn’t like me for who I am, just the way that I am, I’ve learned a lot and want to share it.  I’m only 22, I have more learning and more adapting to do, but where I am at now is a good place to be, and I’m thankful to have come this far.

1. Not everyone is going to like you.
2. It’s okay that not everyone is going to like you.
3. The ones who don’t like you are really missing out. They’re missing out on a friendship with someone fun and someone who has a lot more to bring to the table than just what meets their eye. So really, their loss!
4. It’s important to be comfortable. Comfortable with yourself, comfortable with what you wear, your personality, etc. It’s important to look nice and wear makeup however often you’d like, but it’s also important that you’re unashamed of your naked face. You must get to the point where you like yourself, the way you are. My husband’s culture teaches that a person is at their most beautiful right when they wake up, and right after they get out of the shower. How sweet is that? It’s important to embrace vulnerability in this kind of way.
5. Do not hate the person who doesn’t like or approve of you. Feel nothing towards them. Just recognize that they have a taste for different types of people, and feeling negative about them for simply not liking you does more harm to you than it does to them.
6. If you have to ask for someone’s attention, you really don’t even want it.
7. Never withhold something beneficial or good for the person or people who don’t like you, because spreading good deeds and kindness around is beneficial for YOU. Do you work with someone who has a birthday today? Oh but they don’t like you or have said bad things about you before? Doesn’t matter. Go wish them a happy birthday and throw in a genuine smile while you’re at it.
8. There are two differentiating mindsets about taste. One is, “I’m an acquired taste. Don’t like me? Get some taste.” The other is, “Everybody is an acquired taste. You’re mint, and I’m citrus. We don’t go together, and that’s okay.”
9. Not everybody is made of sugar, spice and everything nice. Some are made of sarcasm, wine, and everything fine.
10. Sometimes, you must be in the presence of someone you don’t like or someone who doesn’t like you, but for the sake of keeping peace, you must both be cordial to each other. This one kills me, sometimes. If I don’t like someone, everything I say and do indicates it. But, after doing a little maturing and maybe giving myself a little pep talk in the mirror before the encounter, I can put on a fake smile, bat my eyelashes and say, “mhm, lovely!” in response to everything. Sure, it may be obvious, but as long as nothing negative was said, you can be blamed for zilch!
11. Know what you bring to the table. Know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, so that if someone has an issue with you and you want to reach out to resolve it, (which, not worrying about it is recommended most of the time), you can understand where that person is coming from when they point things out about you that they don’t like. And be open to criticism every now and then. Don’t be open to bullying or being put down, but accept being put in your place when needed. All in all, know what you have to bring to the table, and don’t be afraid to eat alone.
12. 10% of conflicts are due to difference in opinion, and 90% is due to tone of voice.
13. Your time is precious, your focus is precious. Do not waste it on someone who doesn’t appreciate it. Do not let yourself be consumed with hurt from someone not liking you. Your time and focus are valuable because you’re dedicating a portion of your life to something that you cannot get back. So if someone doesn’t like you, realize that you’re draining yourself trying to get their approval, and it’s simply not worth it because you’re giving yourself away freely.
14. Sometimes your boss isn’t going to be fond of you. Maybe they like your skills, but not your overbearing personality. That’s fine. You need to adapt to the surroundings that you’re in. Be professional at work, save your jokes for the parties. Some people believe that they shouldn’t have to change for anyone. That’s not what this post is about. This post is accepting that there are people who will not like you no matter what, and how to act when they don’t.
15. They say that if it makes you happy, nobody else’s opinion should matter. Not necessarily true. If it’s harmful for you, the opinions of others should matter. If it’s not right, the opinions of others should matter. Why? Because they’re not really opinions, they’re pieces of healthy advice. Learn to be open to this.
16. Nobody is truly your friend until they’ve defended you in their absence. Remember this.
17. If you feel attached to a friend who causes nothing but negativity, stress and drama in your life, don’t be afraid to let them go because you’re scared they might be angry with you afterwards. Do not fear anybody not liking you. Take care of yourself and your sanity.
18. Most people will start off loving you until you become competition.
19. Be glad that some people don’t like you, because, it gives you a break from sharing yourself with those who do. And the ones who don’t, well, they simply don’t deserve you and what you have to offer. So, hey, enjoy a break!
20. Never ever ever ever share your weaknesses with a person who doesn’t have your best interest at heart, because they will only store it away in a dark dungeon and wait to unleash it against you at the perfect vulnerable moment.
21. Sometimes people just want to expose what’s wrong with you only because they can’t handle what’s right about you.
22. It’s healthy to relax and tell yourself, “I’m gold. I’m gold. But he/she prefers silver and that’s okay.”

xoxo Lindsay

Lindsay Loves Languages: “French Press”

A smile is the same in every language, but sometimes expression is needed in greater depths.

Many Americans are under the impression that English is the only language they’ll ever need. What they don’t realize, is, they’re missing out on making a lot of friends!

A language that I’m on a basic level of learning right now is French (Francais). I’m also learning the Moroccan dialect of Arabic, called Darija, which I’ve learned only due to my Moroccan husband and his family. French is actually a dominant language in Morocco, in fact, it’s the romance language of France, Belgium, Switzerland, parts of Canada, north Africa, islands in the Caribbean and other countries/locations throughout the world. Very popular, very beautiful, and very important if you want to be chic.

😉

To learn a language is to gain another soul. Being able to communicate in different languages is almost like holding the world’s best kept secrets and wonders in the palm of your hand. It’s amazing. I highly recommend it.

Here’s up to twenty in Francais:

Un 1

Deux 2

Trois 3

Quatre 4

Cinq 5

Six 6

Sept 7

Huit 8

Neuf 9

Dix 10

Onze 11

Douze 12

Treze 13

Quatorze 14

Quinze 15

Seize 16

Dix-Sept 17

Dix-Huit 18

Dix-Neuf 19

Vingt 20

My next coffee session will be a little more detailed, including greetings, pronounciations, basic words, etc. I’m just writing and sharing as I learn! Au revoir! xoxo

Lindsay

Nostalgia

As I stand outside at barely 7 am with my feet heavy on the cold ground, the sun begins to climb up out of its slumber, and the birds softly sing. Coffee isn’t a child’s drink, yet, childhood thoughts and feelings flood my mind. The air smells fresh and new, like the way it did when I would gather up my brand new school supplies from Target in my backpack and hug my mom goodbye as I made my way to the bus stop. August. A new beginning for children. What does it mean for adults? It means autumn harvest is on its way, and the colors are about to change. Also pumpkin spice everything is coming. While pumpkin-flavored coffee is neat, I think about how deeply I miss strawberry milk, sharpening pencils, Lisa Frank folders, turning in cash for yellow lunch cards, writing the first word on the paper of untouched notebooks, and learning this year’s teacher’s name. How funny that as a little girl, this scent that I smell in the outside early morning August air meant “farewell summer”, yet, now, it means, “oh, hello nostalgia.” This sweet feeling is much more welcome than the overwhelming grief of losing my grandfather that’s been hanging around, swelling my throat and eyes with pain. This sweet feeling is welcome to comfort and bring me down to earth as I continue adult-like daily routines with work. The memories of childhood and school are always welcome to fill my heart any time they’d like. What a good friend those memories are to me.

How to find the right coffee mug for your lifestyle: by Mr. Coffee

How to find the right coffee mug for your lifestyle

If yelling at her in an argument doesn’t make your throat burn like you just downed six shots, you’re not in love with her.

If her eyes can’t make you stop in your tracks and think about what you are about to say next, you’re not in love with her.

If her laugh doesn’t make you tense up your knuckles thinking about never hearing it again, you’re not in love with her.

If it only hurts her when she cries, you’re not in love with her.

If her voice can’t calm your worst anxiety attacks and make you want to listen to anything she has to say, you’re not in love with her.

If her smile doesn’t make your chest quake and your lungs shrink but feel refreshed all in one motion, you’re not in love with her.

If her taking her clothes off is when you pay the most attention to her, you’re not in love with her at all.

Found on Tumblr, anonymous.

Erasing Cultural Identities

One of my favorite facts: Coffee was discovered in Ethiopia in the 11th century. What a discovery.

Wikipedia says, “(it) has a white blossom that smells like jasmine and a red, cherry-like fruit. Back then, the leaves of the so-called “magical fruit” were boiled in water and the resulting concoction was thought to have medicinal properties.”

For today’s coffee tasting, let’s talk a little deep, about identification and how it can be erased, and how many of us do it, without realizing the art we are destroying.

The world hosts the most beautiful spectrum of diversity imaginable, more even than our colorful galaxy we’ve been able to capture images of through satellites and the advanced technology of being able to send humans into outer space. We are living color, thriving beauty, vivid with captivating stories of our ancestors, our history, our current time, our future, our taste, our talents, our culture, our artwork. Human beings are masterpieces, after all.

Here’s a dose of something not talked about enough, I saw a discussion about it on Tumblr: African Americans are black, but you can be black and not be African American. Black and African American are not synonymous terms. Intertwining the two erases people’s cultural identities. Some might think “but aren’t we all decedents from Africa?” Every black person is not American by birth.

Why why why why WHY would you go to another country, take Ethiopia for example, and see a dark-skinned person, a local, and refer to them as “African American”??????? Do you see America anywhere near there? I worked at a hotel in Orlando, and there was a Nigerian family staying with us, from Nigeria, and an American couple came by the desk and said, “Oh they’re really sweet, it’s nice to come across good African-Americans every once in a while.” You’d better believe I wasn’t about to let that fly. “They’re not American, they’re African, and actually, it’s just nice to come across good people every once in a while.” I felt fire coming out of my lips as I spoke it, not to jab at the Americans, but rather just fighting back for the identity the Nigerian family had erased from behind their backs and didn’t even know it.

To erase a cultural identity is to erase a person’s soul. Some claim they do not see “race” or “color” and no, they don’t mean internally, they really try to see all people as the same. But that only hurts the entire purpose of what tale that person’s heritage tells, it actually destroys their identity. And it’s utterly, completely heartbreaking.

Let the entire planet know of your heritage, show them your face, share your favorite foods, your childhood, talk about the neighborhoods where your parents grew up, where your grandparents grew up, talk about the pain you’ve seen, the pride you’ve gained, the pride you’ve yet to gain but so deeply desire, share your victories, your triumphs, your music, and for the love of all things good, in the “Other” box if you cannot check the list of races provided, do not just check it and hand in your forms, you check it and you write out the name of your heritage, you write it big and clear so the nurses, DMV, school principles, employers, etc. can know, so they can appreciate you for who you are. Do not let yourself be erased. Bring out your rich vibrancy, just like the raw, citrus taste of coffee without cream and sugar.

How to tip properly: “Thanks A Latte!”

The headline comes from a cute little tip container sitting on the edge of the pay counter in one of my favorite local coffee shops, the Old Tippecanoe Coffee Company in Tipp City, OH. The container is actually a painted coffee mug, with the oh, so unique pun taped on the side. It’s adorable.

https://www.facebook.com/OldTippecanoeCoffeeCo

Go like it on Facebook! And go for a visit, if you’re a Dayton resident!

Anyway, talking about tipping! Basically, it’s necessary in all aspects of life. Certain positions (like when I worked at Walt Disney World) strictly prohibited acceptance of a tip of any kind, but many other jobs allow it, and it’s a good way to spread around good karma. AKA, tipping is being a decent person.

Who should you tip?

Barbers/hairstylists, pizza deliverers, taxi drivers, waiters, housekeepers, supermarket baggers, bellhops, movers, the person who fills up your gas tank or cleans your windshield for you, valet parking, concierge, airport skycap, rental car shuttle drivers, party entertainers, dog walkers, gardeners, room service, manicurists, shoe shiners, coat checkers, restroom attendants, honestly, the list can go on and on beacause people who work to serve the public deserve to know they’re appreciated.

Barbers and hairstylists: 15 – 20% and recommended extra if your cut/style is particularly complicated.

Pizza Deliverers: How much did you order? If they make more than one trip, you’d better be sure to throw some extra bucks in that tip. Generally a $2 minimum. 10% is considered acceptable.

Taxi Drivers: How far did they drive you? Did you make any stops? Consider these things. Generally the tip should be around 10 – 15% of the total cost.

Waiters/waitresses: 20% is good. If your service wasn’t “exceptional” 15% should be adequate. Nothing less than 15%. But again, consider, how hard did you make that server work for you?

Housekeeping: 3 – 5 dollars per day, or maybe an added total at the time of check-out. It’s always nice to find out who your housekeeper is, so the tips can go specifically to him/her.

Supermarket baggers: This might surprise you. It’s not required, not really expected, but it’s just plain nice to do maybe a dollar or two, depending on how many bags you have.

Bellhops: Maybe 1 – 2 dollars per piece of luggage.

Movers: 15 – 20 dollars per person.

Gas Station Associates: Maybe 2 dollars, depending on what complimentary services were performed.

Valet parking: 2 – 5 dollars is acceptable.

Concierge: They don’t really work for tips, but did they go out of their way to plan something nice for you? Discounted tickets? Did they manage to get you tickets to something that was sold out? Was their suggestion of a restaurant spectacular? 5 – 20 dollars, depending on the service.

Airport skycap: My encounter with this was, I was too late to have my bags checked, and they did it quick and easy for me. $5 seemed to make them happy.

Rental car shuttle drivers: 1 to 2 dollars, more if they handle luggage.

Party entertainers: 15 to 25 dollars, depending on the length and effort of performance.

Dog walkers: They’re probably charging a set/daily price to walk your dogs anyway, a tip in the holidays would suffice. 20% of the daily walk rate.

Gardeners: Same as dog walkers, a holiday tip 20% of the daily gardening rate would be great.

Room service: It’s suggested around 5$ per order, unless gratuity is included.

Manicurists: 15%

Shoe shiners: 2 or 3 dollars should do the trick

Coat Checkers: 1 dollar per coat.

Restroom attendants: Did you spray ten squirts of the complimentary perfume? Did you put 20 mints in your purse? Tip however much you feel necessary. If they’ll have to restock their little supplies due to your freeloading hands, then definitely leave 5$. They’d appreciate that and then forget how awful of a person you are. If all you did was use the paper towel the attendant offered you, give them a dollar.

A couple others that people don’t really consider are Baristas and people that work at places like Fusian and Chipotle. Working as a Barista, tips made my day, especially the more complicated and specific the drink order, the more I felt my work was being valued. To be honest, I didn’t know that Chipotle accepted tips, until a guy who used the restroom in my hotel lobby started talking about the lack of tips he’d been receiving at work last week. He worked at Chipotle. I stated that I wasn’t aware we should tip Chipotle workers, and I thanked him for letting me know, even. But the imbecile had it in him to say “you don’t tip your chipotle workers who built your burrito? You’re the worst kind of person…” and with that, I bid him goodbye. Like, hey, bucko, I didn’t know…and now I’ve learned. If you intentionally don’t tip, you’re rude. But if you aren’t aware, and your intentions are harmless, you’re okay. That’s why these little talks are important! But really, it’s not a huge deal if you pay for your burrito, thank the staff, and skip on your merry way. That’s not one situation where tipping is a must. It’s polite, of course, but nobody should consider you to be “the worst kind of person” for that.

Bottom line, it’s a very good thing to show those who serve you that you care, that you’re thankful, that you’re a friend.

It always pays to tip! In many more ways than just one. You never know, you may have just helped a mother in college buy that extra can of food for her little baby.

xoxo

Lindsay